The Anatomy Of A Friend

A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17 NASB

Recently I had a tough conversation with a friend, that didn’t quite go the way I planned. I had to swallow some hard pills and shed a lot of tears. And while it might be easier to highlight my frustrations and point out what the other person did wrong, it takes humility to point the finger back at myself.

Later throughout the week as I thought about the conversation, I reminded myself that I needed to be the type of friend I want to have. We can’t expect something from others, that we’re not willing to give ourselves, right? Maintaining healthy and lasting friendships takes work! And I realized it was time to do a heart check to make sure I was exhibiting the character traits that I desired to see reflected in my relationships.

Communication— This one right here! Communication is KEY in maintaining healthy friendships. But for some reason it can sometimes be the hardest thing to do.  It doesn’t require a lot of effort to talk about the things that make us laugh and bring joy to our hearts. But we also have to be willing to be vulnerable with our friends to share the tough things, as well as creating an atmosphere for transparent, open and honest dialogues. For example, if we’re hurt or been wronged we should be able to tell one another (Matthew 18:15) without fear of retribution.  But what happens sometimes, is we harbor resentment and anger against the friend we once loved, giving the enemy a foothold (Ephesians 4:27). Likewise open communication also means that we allow our friends to keep us accountable. True friends generally want the best for us and that means sometimes they are going to have tell us things we don’t necessarily want to hear. Yet Proverbs 27:6 says it best “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” So let’s not be so quick to dismiss what they have to say.

Forgiveness & Grace– No one is perfect. People will let us down, and fail to meet the expectations that we sometimes intentionally or unintentionally put on them. It hurts. It sucks. It’s frustrating. But we’re all human, living in a sin filled world and we’re going to make mistakes. I’ve been friends with some of my closest girls for over 15 years, so I can’t expect them to be the same person they were when we were teenagers. Life happens. People evolve. We’ve had mountain top highs, valley lows, and I’m sure moments when we’ve wanted to pull each other’s hair out, lol! But the ingredient that I think has keep us together, even in the seasons when weren’t as close, is that we’ve learned to accept each other for who we are.  We’ve learned what it meant to extend grace and forgiveness when we’ve been wronged, apologized when necessary, and picked up the pieces to move forward stronger than ever.  Give your friends room for growth and grace and remember that one day you will need the same.

Selflessness – This is probably the hardest one of all, because it goes against every part of the flesh. By nature as humans want what we want, when we want it. But selflessness humbly says “It’s not always about me.”.  A true friend will make sure they try their best to look out for the interest of others more than themselves (Phil. 2:4). This will require work though because it forces us to move ourselves and egos to the side and put on the heart of a servant for the sake of our friendships.  Consider the example of Jesus washing the disciples’ feet (John 13:1-7). Prayerfully this trait will be reciprocated and you will experience a healthy balance of needs being fulfilled on both sides.

Love- I could entertain you with my insights on love in friendships, but 1 Corinthians 13 perfectly explains it. . “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (vs. 4-8).  May God help us love our friends well.

Every friendship may not always last, but I want to make sure that “If it is possible, as far as it depends on [me],” that I “live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18 NIV) —especially my friends.

We can’t control others actions, but we can control ours. So, I ask God to help my friendships grow with these traits and more so that we can be a reflection of unity and His love.

Believe the best.

Do your best.

These are just a few of the qualities that are important to me. What things are important to you in your friendships?

P.S. Have you heard? My new devotional book “Pages From My Heart” will be available on September 1st! Click here to order your copy today!!